


the kids don't stand a chance

by midwestwind



Category: Psych
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drunk Gus, F/M, Fraternities & Sororities, Gen, Party, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-20
Updated: 2014-11-20
Packaged: 2018-02-26 08:51:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2645720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midwestwind/pseuds/midwestwind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sorry my roommate puked on your shoes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the kids don't stand a chance

**Author's Note:**

> Inspire by this tumblr post: http://katebishops.co.vu/post/99261141438/inthebackoftheimpala-cliffnotesofanerd

Juliet was going to kill Abigail. As soon as she could find her anyway. The Greek System was already living down to Juliet’s expectations in the short time since her roommate had insisted they check it out. Juliet had insisted she had no interest in rushing but Abigail wasn’t having it.

“It’s not about rushing! It’s about the party, come _on_ ,” Abigail had countered. “The Alpha Psis always throw a huge secret party after the house tours. It’s supposed to be awesome!” Juliet had fought valiantly but ultimately the college cliché of not wanting to miss what could be the best party of the year won out.

And now, she was standing in the middle of a crowd of sweaty, horny bodies with a plastic cup someone had shoved in her hand but she didn’t dare drink by herself and was swearing to every deity she’d ever heard of that she was going to kill her new roommate and former friend.

“At least then I’ll have my own room,” she grumbles to herself staring forlornly into the Solo cup and sloshing the amber liquid around. It’s because she’s so absorbed in her own pity party that Juliet doesn’t notice the man stumbling up to her, clutching his stomach. Not until he bends at the waist in front of her and pukes all over her boots. She yelps and jumps back a few steps and he continues to retch into the bushes next to her. Another man breaks through the tangle of first-time-drunk freshman and instigating upperclassmen and runs towards them, much steadier on his feet than the first man. Regardless, Juliet watches him warily, fearing for the safety of the rest of her outfit.

“Oh, buddy,” the other man sighs, watching his friend fall to his knees and dry heave, before noticing Juliet and her shoes. “Please tell me that’s someone else’s vomit.”

“Okay, it’s someone else’s drunk friend’s vomit,” she offers with a shrug. The guy falters for a moment, his brown eyes narrowing.

“Really?”

“No!” He sighs and moves closer to his friend, slipping his arms under his elbows and pulling him upright. The other man, who’s dark skin and shaved head Juliet can see head on for the first time now, teeters on his feet but seems to support himself.

“There ya go, buddy,” his friend says, patting him on the arm, “now, just, don’t go boneless on me.” If course, as soon as he says it the man’s knees buckle and his body goes limp. Juliet watches his friend struggle to hold him upright, groaning with the effort.

“Do you need some help?” She asks finally, irritation over being thrown up on wearing into concern for the very drunk man being supported by the slightly drunk man.

“No, no, I’ve got-“ the words give way to a loud grunt and Juliet can just see the two tumbling down in a heap on the beer and vomit soaked grass and never getting up again. She moves forward and reaches out to take half of the weight.

“Thanks,” the friend sighs and Juliet hums in response. “I’m gonna take him back to the dorm.”

“Lead the way,” Juliet says, waving the hand with the plastic cup and accidently spilling more beer onto the soggy grass. The two trudge their way through the crowd, dragging the now unconscious man between them. Along the way, Juliet dumps her cup into a trash can uses the now free hand to help shove their way through the house. It isn’t until they make it to the sidewalk outside of the house that either of them speaks.

“I’m Shawn, by the way, and my very drunk and very regretful, I assure you, friend is Gus.” Juliet nods, struggling for a minute. Shawn stops to let her readjust her grip on Gus.

“Juliet,” she responds once they start moving again. “And you and your friend have just witnessed my first and last Greek party.”

“You’re not rushing?” He asks, looking around his friend to raise an eyebrow at her.

“I wasn’t in the first place,” she explains, “my roommate was just insistent that we go to this party and then she promptly ditched me.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah, well. I should call her after we get him home. Make sure she’s not in a similar state.” They lapse into silence and don’t make it very far before they’re both panting from the effort of caring Gus.

“Okay, screw this!” Shawn gasps, before promptly dropping his friend. Juliet gives a shout and tries to catch Gus but ends up dropping him in the lawn of a sorority she’d visited earlier.

“What the hell?!” She shouts, turning on Shawn who has his cellphone out and pressed to his ear. “Excuse me! Your friend is becoming intimately familiar with the Zeta’s fertilizer brand!” He waved a dismissive hand at her and she gasped in outrage. She opened her mouth to start yelling at him when he began speaking into his phone.

“ _Hey_ ,” he started, drawing out the word, “buddy, listen, I need a favor. You have a car, right?” The voice at the other end must have started yelling because Juliet could pick up a deep voice booming through the line, even though she couldn’t make out the words. He turns towards Juliet and gives her a grin and holds up his index finger.

“Okay, great, we’re outside the Zeta Theta house, see you in a few. Bye!” A new wave of yelling comes from the phone but Shawn hangs up. Juliet raises her eyebrows.

“My friend’s coming to get us,” he explains which only prompts Juliet’s eyebrows to hike farther up her forehead.

“ _That_ was a friend?”

“Frienemy is probably a better term but he’s too much of a softie to leave us stranded.” Juliet frowns but her phone starts ringing before she can formulate a response to that. She pulls it out to see a picture of herself and Abigail covering the screen. She sighs and answers it, turning away from Shawn.

“Finally! I was about to call you to make sure hadn’t gotten kidnapped or something.” Abigail giggles at the other end of the line and Juliet figures that she isn’t far away from being in a similar state to Gus.

“ _No_ ,” Abigail laughs, drawing the word out, “but I was beginning to think maybe you’d actually met a guy or something.”

“Actually, I met two,” Juliet tells her dryly. Abigail gasps on the other end and must close a door somewhere because the music and general chaos quiets slightly on the other end.

“What?”

“This guy threw up on me and I’m helping his friend get him back to his dorm.”

“Okay,” Abigail starts, sounding much more sober all of a sudden. “Be careful.”

“Don’t worry,” Juliet starts, turning back towards Shawn and the now snoring and mumbling drunken lump in the grass. “I could definitely take them.” This earns a pout from Shawn and Juliet smirks. She agrees to meet Abigail back at the party before they call it a night, not wanting to leave her friend in the wolves den, and hangs up. Shawn still appears to be pouting and Gus mumbles something about Cheese Puffs.

“You don’t have to wait with us,” Shawn says suddenly. “You can head back to the party.” Juliet shakes her head.

“It’s dark and your buddy there isn’t gonna be much help if you get jumped or something.” Shawn glances up at the brightly lit streetlamp above them and the plethora of green yards around them.

“What _is_ the rate for muggings on Greek row?” Juliet huffs and crosses her arms.

“Look, I just don’t want to go back to that scene straight out of a crappy Franco brothers movie any sooner than I have to, alright?” Shawn puts his hands up in defense and Juliet sighs, lowering her arms. They lapse into an extremely uncomfortable silence.

“Sorry, about your shoes, by the way,” Shawn says finally and Juliet looks down and the vomit covered suede ankle boots, twisting her ankle to get a better look at the damage.

“They’re my roommate’s,” she shrugs and Shawn laughs. She looks over and grins at him. Before he can respond, a pair of headlights illuminate Gus’s sleeping form and a black Ford Fusion pulls up to the curb.

“Ah, finally, Alfred with my town car,” Shawn comments as the window rolls down and the driver calls out,

“Spencer, get in the car!”

“Uh, no can do, Lassie. I’m gonna need a hand getting the lump formerly known as Gus in the car,” Shawn explains, glancing back at Gus in the grass. The window rolls back up and the driver, a lanky man maybe a few years older, steps out. He takes one look at Gus and then looks at the sky a mumbles a ‘why me?’ Juliet bites back a grin.

“Looks like you’ve got this handled,” Juliet says as the driver begins to struggle with Gus who keeps trying to sleepily squish his cheeks. Shawn grins at the scene, offering no help, before turning to her.

“You don’t want a ride back to the party?” He asks as the man he’s referred to as Lassie lets out a string of curses.

“Are you kidding? That’d only get me there faster.”

“Ah, right,” Shawn says and she turns to head back the way they’d come. “Nice meeting you, Jules.” She spins back to correct him.

“Juliet.”

“I know, but Jules just rolls off the tongue, don’t you think?” She fights back a smile but loses before turning to leave again, only calling back,

“Goodnight, Shawn.”


End file.
